Late Summer, 2006. My thoughts hovered over a lifetime “to do” list reviewing what I wanted to check off before I checked out. We had sold our business importing feathering and folding sailboat propellers from Europe a few months earlier. (Check one off the list!) By July we had returned from an extended cruise on Chesapeake Bay in our own sailboat. (Check another off the list!)
We were preparing for a six-week auto tour of our favorite haunts in New England visiting family and friends and attending two reunions: one gathered my parachuting buddies from 40 years earlier and another celebrated the 50th (!) anniversary of high school graduation. It was an exciting, happy time, not one to brood about the fragility of life and its ultimate destination.
And yet, I felt rather than heard a distant bass vibration sifting through to my bones leaving a trace of uneasiness. I brushed the sensation aside.
Being an intensely visual person, I often translate feelings into mental images, sometimes abstract, other times realistic. They reside with me for a time, then dissolve to reappear later or never again. As the summer wore on, an image was evolving, strong and implacable. Negative thoughts whirled, melding at the center of a vortex into an immovable form, a stainless steel column at the core of my being. Worn thoughts clustered, coalescing into an unassailable object as if compressing all the dust, out of place objects and dirty windows in a fury of house cleaning. (Freud would have a field day with this!)
Carrying this image around in my head was exhausting, a burden added to my flagging energies. Pre-diagnosis recollections continue in future blogs.
Keep well, dear ones. Guard your health fiercely!
Copyright 2008
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: August 14, 2008
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