This series of musings focuses on my experience of learning that I have an incurable illness and the significant ways in which that knowledge irreversibly changed my world view and actions. The change was instantaneous (Diagnosis Day October 26, 2006), while my awareness of the implications has been slow to evolve. An occasional epiphany helps to clarify my current view and further an altered understanding of myself.
All my life I have been an inveterate goal-setter, working in reverse linear, that is, to identify a goal and work backward, mapping a route to fulfillment. Ultimately, I find myself at the starting point: what can I do to take the first step now. In my post-diagnosis world, I am far slower to set goals. I ask myself: Can I really count on having the energy to carry me through to completion? Are others counting on me to meet my commitment? So I have cut back on the number of goals I have at any given moment and concentrate only on the quality of those I commit to. That way, I unburden myself of half-hearted efforts and savor the true delight of a worthwhile accomplishment.
Some goals may seem trivial, disguising their true value. For example, my “Therapy Afghan,” which I crocheted during a stressful period of my life bringing me great comfort and calm. With deliberation and care, I selected the mohair yarn, warm, strong and exceedingly light, in my favorite colors. For months I experimented until evolving a pattern that appealed to me. It took several starts and a few unravelings before, two years later, I finished. A bonus was the loving companionship of our cat Felix who blissed out on the luxurious mohair whenever I took up my yarn and hook.
Other musings will follow as they present themselves to me. Thank you for being with us; your support is our strength and comfort.
Copyright 2008
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: August 2, 2008
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