Several years ago, as newcomers in a homogeneous community of seasonal Florida residents, we duly visited our neighbors, introducing ourselves and inviting them to drop in for an evening of conversation and a nibble or two, to get to know one another better.
Expecting a moderate turnout and wanting to encourage conversation and promote circulation we arranged the furniture in a number of 2, 3 and 4 person groupings.
Our first hint of plans gone awry was that a throng of guests arrived at precisely the designated arrival time; a line actually formed outside the front door, limiting our ability to acknowledge each guest with due thanks. Over the years, I had come to expect guest arrivals a decent interval after the stated starting time, usually about 15 minutes. These precious moments were my sweet reward for prodigious effort and thoughtful consideration of my guests’ comfort before welcoming them at the front door.
The next misconception was food: every guest couple carried a contribution fit to feed a well-attended church supper. Since we already had enough to feed everyone the equivalent of a meal in appetizers, we were hard put to find counter or serving space. We had tapped into an unsuspected mother lode of provisions, culinary creativity and generosity.
We poured drinks and divvied up bins of food, asking people to find themselves a seat. Then we turned to circulate among our carefully arranged conversational groupings and whip up some witty repartee to be carried from cluster to cluster as people shifted and reformed according to conversational whims.
While we were busy our guests had rearranged the offered seating into a single large circle lining the perimeter of the room. The result suggested an oversubscribed therapy group stifled into uncomfortable reticence by the expanse of the circle’s girth: an occasion for performance rather than an opportunity for conversational intimacies.
Our lesson: the best intentioned plans may not survive encounters with unfamiliar social customs. After that halting start, we never fully connected with our neighbors and eventually moved out.
Copyright 2009
Lynn Chapman-Adler
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: August 25, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Waving Etiquette
To add interest to the exercise regimen recommended by our oncologist, we acquired the habit of early morning walks on the local roads (no sidewalks here) to inspire us and lift the mantle of drudgery associated with mandated exercise. While doing so, we developed an appreciation of the etiquette, as interpreted by Tidewater Virginians, of signaling silent passing courtesies upon encountering one’s neighbors on a dead end road frequented only by residents, contractors and real estate agents. (we afoot, they behind the wheel of their car, SUV, pick-up or other conveyance).
We wave at every passing vehicle and mentally note the caliber of response. Broad categories of motivation can be attributed to those who respond: from simple courtesy to strangers, to “I see you every day and acknowledge your get-up-and-go” to “keep at it” to “your persistence is admirable” to “You go, girl!” Finer gradations of salutation emerge when contemplating the styles or responders.
The single finger raised from the steering wheel is the minimum acknowledgement signaling recognition without encouragement. No guarantee of repetition. Slightly more forthcoming is the four-finger raise, palm still firmly pressed against the wheel, probably the safest response for both driver and walker. Next warmest greeting is the hand lifted from the wheel with a single abbreviated motion in frank acknowledgement of the fleeting encounter with a minimum of commitment. More intense greetings scale up from a broad swing from the elbow reminiscent of a parade queen's gesture, to several vigorous waves, and on to the ultimate hand extended out the window, fingers splayed in warm recognition of a fellow wannabe athlete.
Stay well, and keep waving!
Copyright 2009
Lynn Chapman-Adler
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: August 20, 2009
We wave at every passing vehicle and mentally note the caliber of response. Broad categories of motivation can be attributed to those who respond: from simple courtesy to strangers, to “I see you every day and acknowledge your get-up-and-go” to “keep at it” to “your persistence is admirable” to “You go, girl!” Finer gradations of salutation emerge when contemplating the styles or responders.
The single finger raised from the steering wheel is the minimum acknowledgement signaling recognition without encouragement. No guarantee of repetition. Slightly more forthcoming is the four-finger raise, palm still firmly pressed against the wheel, probably the safest response for both driver and walker. Next warmest greeting is the hand lifted from the wheel with a single abbreviated motion in frank acknowledgement of the fleeting encounter with a minimum of commitment. More intense greetings scale up from a broad swing from the elbow reminiscent of a parade queen's gesture, to several vigorous waves, and on to the ultimate hand extended out the window, fingers splayed in warm recognition of a fellow wannabe athlete.
Stay well, and keep waving!
Copyright 2009
Lynn Chapman-Adler
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: August 20, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Moving On
During the past three years, I have faced the greatest challenge of my life so far.
The thunderbolt of the diagnosis tipped me into a deep and ongoing review of the premises upon which I had built my life to that point. The old comfortable handholds of memory and habit have faded; the new ones are as yet not fully realized. My dilemma now is: do I choose the easier path and just return to an approximation of my former belief set, or do I embark on a more challenging course, redefining my foundations as they appear to me now from an expanded and informed viewpoint.
As the struggle to free myself of this illness occupies less of my daily allotment of energy, I use the liberated time to explore who I am now while concurrently reacquainting myself with who I was before Diagnosis Day. I find, in meditating on that prior individual, that I am now working to shed the old skin that fit just fine for many years, while simultaneously growing a new skin, one more comfortable to the evolving me than the previous one.
All of this is happening on the back burner of my mind while I attend to tasks that don’t require thoughtful reflection; gardening is the most satisfying. I can pay attention to distinguishing weeds from perennials while subliminally concocting recipe alternatives for a “revised” me, checking an ingredient list, noting “keep this” or “replace that.”
I have been given a reprieve. How will I use the time left to me? Since I don’t know how long that will be, I’d better get on with it!
Stay well!
Copyright 2009
Lynn Chapman-Adler
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: August 6, 2009
The thunderbolt of the diagnosis tipped me into a deep and ongoing review of the premises upon which I had built my life to that point. The old comfortable handholds of memory and habit have faded; the new ones are as yet not fully realized. My dilemma now is: do I choose the easier path and just return to an approximation of my former belief set, or do I embark on a more challenging course, redefining my foundations as they appear to me now from an expanded and informed viewpoint.
As the struggle to free myself of this illness occupies less of my daily allotment of energy, I use the liberated time to explore who I am now while concurrently reacquainting myself with who I was before Diagnosis Day. I find, in meditating on that prior individual, that I am now working to shed the old skin that fit just fine for many years, while simultaneously growing a new skin, one more comfortable to the evolving me than the previous one.
All of this is happening on the back burner of my mind while I attend to tasks that don’t require thoughtful reflection; gardening is the most satisfying. I can pay attention to distinguishing weeds from perennials while subliminally concocting recipe alternatives for a “revised” me, checking an ingredient list, noting “keep this” or “replace that.”
I have been given a reprieve. How will I use the time left to me? Since I don’t know how long that will be, I’d better get on with it!
Stay well!
Copyright 2009
Lynn Chapman-Adler
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: August 6, 2009
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