The final piece of April’s blood analysis has dropped into place with mixed results. CEA (CarcinoEmbryonic Antigen) monitors the creation of new cancer cells. A decline in the cell count indicates improvement in the body’s ability to curb cancer cell generation. April’s report is down 28% from January’s. Of nine consecutive measures since the beginning of my participation in the experimental drug study in August 2007, seven declined from the previous measure.
The second measure is the Calcitonin level, specific to the thyroid function. A decline indicates less cancerous activity than before. The April results are up 34% from January’s total, continuing an erratic up and down pattern: four of the last nine measures increased and five declined.
The two measures do not track each other. True, they measure different aspects of cancer activity. But I would feel far better if they marched, shoulder to shoulder, in the same direction (down!). I feel the disappointment a child might upon hearing disappointing news after months of effort to conform to a discipline believed beneficial but displaying snail-slow results: “I did everything you said, and it hasn’t turned out all right. At least not enough to calm my fears.”
The three doctors (two of whom are oncologists) who monitor my status vis-à-vis cancer don’t share my concern about erratic results. Far more significant, they say, is the overall improvement: reduced intensity of chemotherapy side effects, thicker hair, returning strength, reduced fatigue and nausea, and weight stability. Listen to your body, they say; trust what it tells you. I hesitate to trust my interpretation of where I am because I cannot measure or quantify the weighty bias of hope. My personal bête noir, the unrealistic, storybook ideal of perfection, lures me on while cunningly remaining just beyond grasp.
Stay well!
Copyright 2009
Lynn Chapman-Adler
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: June 4, 2009
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