In ten days, we leave for the next round of imaging, blood work and physical exams at MUSC in Charleston, South Carolina. I live in limbo, anticipating improvement, dreading reversal. Doubts most often plague me during these pre-trip days. Subjectively, I feel better now than I did prior to the last trip in July, almost too well. I ask myself: Do I really feel better, or is what I am feeling merely hope coloring my perceptions. For the most part, the numbers on the lab values show favorable trends to which I credit belief that a return to health is underway.
The pace of treatment has slowed to a steady repetition of the same pattern of treatment: Take a Zactima tablet once a day to treat the cancer lesions in my liver; take Warfarin (the generic version of Coumadin) to treat Deep Vein Thrombosis, a side condition often brought on by cancer.
One by one we find ways to reduce the side effects of chemotherapy and incorporate them into my treatment plan. The collective effect of these minute changes becomes the reality of sustained improvement. I see a favorable progression of hope to belief to reality taking shape, and it encourages me as I face the uncertainty preceding another round of testing.
As I wait for action, I am set on edge as by a continuous screech of fingernails on a blackboard. Distracted and unable to concentrate, I feel like Elizabeth Taylor’s portrayal of “Maggie the Cat” in Tennessee Williams’ film classic Cat on a Hot Tin Roof without the solace of playing opposite Paul Newman.
Yours from Fantasy Land.
Copyright 2008
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted September 29, 2008
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