Turnabout

Michael:
After living for the past three years inside Lynn’s Cancer Universe, I had adjusted to the situation: Lynn has cancer. She is The Survivor. I don’t have cancer. I am The Caregiver. Suddenly that neat division of roles disintegrated: I have cancer. But I am still The Caregiver. Lynn still has cancer. But she is now The Caregiver also. All very unsettling, apart from the collapse of my conviction that it could never happen to me.

Diagnosis was Malignant Melanoma, right ear, not too advanced but very dangerous, confirmed by positive biopsy August 24th, mandating immediate ear surgery plus removal of lymph nodes (neck). Lynn assumed The Caregiver role instantly with her usual love, dedication and organization. She drove me to my appointments and surgeries, was at my side every moment.
Together we sweated out the absurd delays in finally scheduling the surgery. It was supposed to have been not just “ASAP”, but “Yesterday”. But it took nearly six weeks (of sleepless nights) before the two specialty surgeons (Oncology and Reconstruction) could manipulate their schedules to meet me in the O/R on Oct 2nd.
Result: all biopsies now negative; I’m left with a weird right ear, Back to my Caregiver role but now a legitimate member of our local Cancer Survivors Group.

Lynn:
A wrenching surprise! No less anxiety-producing, but coming from a very different viewpoint.

Instant guilt: why didn’t I notice the telltale mark sooner? How long had it been there? Guilt is all about self-involvement, not a sterling quality for a caregiver. I was jarred into looking beyond myself and finding ways to comfort Michael and bring a sense of normalcy to our lives.

This role reversal has sharpened our attention to the moment, what we can do for each other now. I perceive more balance. The timing is good, coming when I feel stronger, more capable and more confident about managing, with ongoing help from my spouse, two illnesses.

We have scraped by another hard place in the road, we are still here for each other, and continue to draw comfort from having you in our lives.

Stay well!

Copyright 2009
Lynn Chapman-Adler
www.lindalater.blogspot.com
Posted: October 10, 2009